We’re five days into 2014 and I hate it. There’s no Great Gran here.
Hospital hands.
I’ve been putting this off because I’m such a downer, but I guess it’s got to be written for me to stop obsessing about wether or not to write it. I miss Great Gran. Everything makes me sad. What to make for dinner. Grocery lists. Buy 1 get 1 free. Amazon Prime. Tacos. When the guy cuts the grass and it looks so good. The as-seen-on-TV section in Target. Bedtime when I’ve called to say sweet dreams every night for the past 10 years. I may have missed a dozen evenings in all that time – we made videos on the hospital nights that I wasn’t there. For the past two months I’ve panicked at 10am because I haven’t talked to Great Gran yet (did she get up, did she take her pills and eat breakfast?). That one is getting better. But the rest of it just sucks. It sucks. And it will suck for a while. So there you go. That’s where I am.
Here’s where I’m supposed to talk about what I want to accomplish this year. Mostly, I’d like to publish more than one pattern before next Christmas. Looking at my patterns chronologically on Ravelry is just depressing.
I also haven’t been part of a swap in a while. I’ve got a good idea for a cold weather (and I hear there is going to be some of that) swap. Anyone want to play and help cheer me up?
whatever you need babe, I’m here! we have a shit ton of cold and snow and I’m ready for a little pick-me-up too.
I’m glad you wrote this- I miss her too. actually I miss hearing about her from you, like she was extended imaginary family. maybe post a some memories every once in a while? if you think it will help?
also, maybe a Cephalopod pattern soonish? 😉
You are grieving and it’s not predictable and it’s not something that always go forward in logical way. Be kind to yourself. And yes, I’ll play along in a swap – especially if you think it will cheer you up.
I had my son leave home to fly and be an adult. Left and didn’t say goodbye and never called me. I cried every day. I cried everywhere. The moment I woke up. When I passed his room. Making dinner. When i went to sleep. I lost 10 lbs. It was awful. But it slowly. got. better.
I played loud happy music. I spun bright colors. I called cheerful friends. My FB friends were a source of great comfort. It hurts but I have to live for the others in my family that need me. It will stop hurting so deep and so often. Sadly.
Sending you hugs. Know you are loved and that you will emerge from this vale of tears.
Also, it’s not a downer. Well, okay, it’s a downer to live and it can be a downer to write about, but it’s not a downer for us to read. Because it’s your life and we care about you and what’s going on with you. This is your safe place and you should share what you need/want to here, particularly when it’s such a big part of your life.
Finally, I would definitely play along in a swap. I haven’t done one in ages, either.
You know that words and I aren’t always on speaking terms so let me just say this: everything that Sprite said. Yes. I second it all.
Thoughts and prayers for you & yours. <3
So sorry about Great Gran, she sounded like a wonderful lady. Hugs and thinking of you!!
I’m in for a cheer you up swap as we’ll! Hugs!
Hugs hugs hugs and yes I’ll swap …details please
I am so sorry for your pain. My Grandma has Alzhiemers and has no idea who I am. I cry for days when I leave her. So. If a swap will cheer you up, then count me in!!! Anything for you!
Everything I keep trying to say comes out as “yeah, that does suck!”. You’ve been so blessed to have such a wonderfully close relationship with Great Gran. I’ll be praying for the sucky time to end soon.
Hugs & prayers. It’s so hard to lose a loved one.
I’d take part in a swap, if I can manage to find a bit of time.
I lost a grandfather back in October, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be okay with the fact that I hadn’t seen him in 5 years. But time passes anyway, and life fills up the spaces you feel inside (kids are really good for that).
I’m in for the swap 🙂
Family of choice – that’s what we are and you and Great Gran are part of that family too.
Good thing we all have memories of loved ones… Holding you close in my heart and sending love….
I know where you are coming from. My gran is incredibly sick right now and I know she doesn’t have a ton of time left. It’s incredibly heartbreaking to think she won’t be here soon. But it is the truth. The ugly truth of life. We cherish the days she has left.
On a brighter note, I haven’t done a swap in a few years. It could be fun. Sign me up.
My Gram has been gone since March of 2006. It’s not everyday now…but I still miss her so much. Even just reading this I’ve had another tear. I know not everyone has someone that is “their special person” like I did…but I imagine your Great Gran was like my Gram. I try to let my Gram live on by using her recipes, reading the books the loved, sharing memories of her with my children.
We never really die, but we all live on in the hearts of those who love us. May you find comfort in this as you greive. I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Swap? Sure thing! It is like crazy cold here and the kids have ceased going to school… we haven’t seen sun in ages. A bright cheerful springy swap sounds great!
A swap? Maybe, life is a bit busy but it sounds fun. BTW I knit a sweet cardigan for my 8 year old last fall from the “timeless knits for kids” book you sent me a year or two back. Thanks again!
I think a swap sounds like a great way to help you cheer up! I’m so sorry about your Great Gran. I lost my grandma 10 years ago and it still hurts but it does get easier to deal with as time passes. Just keep all the good memories close. 🙂