I thought it would be fun to make these felty pumpkins. I ordered the yarn last week (Knitpicks Wool of the Andes) so it would get here when Mom did. I thought Great Gran, Mom and I could all make one. I thought the pattern would be easy and fun. I thought, “Let’s give this felting thing one more try!”

Making the pumpkins wasn’t terrible. Mom had to learn to increase and make i-cord and Great Gran was mad about the wrong-side increases (she worked hers on the right side). We started out making the large pumpkins but they changed their minds after the first segment and wanted to make small pumpkins instead. Then they wouldn’t seam the stupid pieces. They would put one piece together half-way and then start working on whatever other project they had. Which left me to sew up all those pieces. They liked making the curly vines.

When everything was finished and all the ends woven in, I took everything home with me to felt. I said this was because my washing machine had hotter water but it was really because I didn’t think my Type A Mom should witness the felting. It would be far too traumatic. This is what what writers call Foreshadowing.

After checking the internet for directions (last page of my printed version was shredded by the cat), I stuffed the pumpkins with plastic Winn-Dixie bags and wound them all around with “waste” yarn to make the ridges. I decided to use acrylic (stop laughing) because it wouldn’t felt into the pumpkin and would be easier to get off.

That brown thing on the counter by the ‘fridge is M’s cardigan.

I carried everything to the garage and started the washing machine. I threw in bluejeans, a canvas sweatshirt, the pumpkin parts and some baking soda. I started the heavy-duty wash cycle, set the timer for 10 minutes and went into the house to read the paper. After 10 minutes, I returned to the garage and lifted the lid to see how things were going. The first thing I noticed was that baking soda gets very foamy. I’m not kidding. There was at least a three inch layer of foam in there. Huh, I thought, reaching in for a fat pumpkin body. What I came up with instead was a handful of sopping, foamy Winn-Dixie bags and chest pains. The stupid, slippery acrylic yarn had all come un-done, spilling the plastic pumpkin guts. My chest constricted in panic. Was it too late to fix? The short answer to that is “yes,” most of the felting had already happened, but I tried out of desperation anyway. I dragged the bags out of the washing machine in a murky waterfall that flooded the garage floor (the water inside had turned an inexplicable green), and out onto the driveway. Then I fished out the shapeless pumpkin shells. After wringing out the bags, I restuffed the pumpkins and wrapped them tightly with wool yarn, taking care to lace the yarn through the tops and knot it securely. Clothes completely soaked, I threw everything back into the washing machine for another 20 minutes. This time I stayed in the garage. As if somehow my damp and miserable proximity would help the situation. After 20 minutes I peaked into a washing machine that was full of meringue. I decided that those things weren’t getting any feltier and dragged them out of the mess (the foam formed “stiff peaks” as the pumpkins came out) back into the driveway to rinse.

The stems and vines look great.

The results are a little upsetting. There are some indentions but they don’t look as good as the picture. Maybe they’ll be cute when they’re dry…maybe Mom and Great Gran will forget that they made them and not ask about them again. Maybe I will never felt again.

Shapeless pumpkins are not the only disaster this week. I got the front and back of M’s cardigan together only to discover that the designer wanted me to knit the front bands BEFORE I joined the shoulders. I was not about to take out my perfect three needle bind-offs so I just draped the bulk of the sweater to one side and proceeded to knit the band. When I finished, I noticed that I had seven oddly-spaced button holes instead of the six evenly-spaced button holes that the pattern specified. I am now in the middle of Cardigan Band Two: the Reckoning.

To make this the Worst Knitting Week Ever, Mom finally put the edging on Elspeth and my Greatest Fears were confirmed. Too big in the neck. I KNEW I should have made the smaller one. I knew when I tried it on without the edging but I convinced myself that the crochet would “draw it up a little”. Now I have to unravel all of that lace (incidentally, the directions are not at all like the picture, thank you Rowan) and unseam the sweater. I am NOT going to redo the front and back pieces. I REFUSE to pull out all that patterning. What I am going to do instead is unravel the sleeves and make them decrease more sharply so that they are two inches smaller at the top. Since the sleeves are part of the neck edge, this should make it smaller around. I hope.